Its so hard to leave the house today
Its so hard to feel good today
Its so hard to give a **** today
Its so hard to fake a smile today

My throat ached at 4 in the morning
Tossing and turning
You are in every single one of my dreams
On drugs throughout the night and day
Until I closed my eyes, aching
I felt so free at the time
Not sleeping a wink at night
Snuggling dear friends
Discussing now and then
I thought we were everything.

I guess I was so wrong
And thats what hurts most of all
But everyone cheers and chants:
You are so very strong.
Better without him
And its true
But I wish I didn't have to leave my room
I could just kiss goodbye
To what we had, what I thought we were
And what we turned out not to be
I imagine you must be working right now
Making up your cocktail recipes
Rattling and yapping
At anyone who will listen
My God, I tried.


I really did.
But there is no world in which
You metamorph
There is no world in which
I become the girl you wanted me to be
Because I am all woman
Its not even that I'm lonely
Or long to be with you still
I just wanted you to be more man.

Aching and contemplating
I wish I felt more motivated today
Everything a chore, just get me through this week
I wish I could go back to dancing so freely in front of a mirror
But I now have that beautiful memory
Within me
And it wasn't because of you
It wasn't because of any man
I just gave myself permission
To be exactly who I am.