I loved you whenever your eyes light
I loved you most when I heard your mind
I loved you most when you stripped your exterior facade
Your icy, critical facade.
Even then I loved you so, quietly, from a distance.
I loved being around drunk you - simple you.
There was so much warmth and honesty. You were even slightly giddy.
I want to remember you that way.
The night wore on and I cleaned your wet hair. Your wet cheek.
I loved you then, when you were a mess on the floor.
All I wanted was to take your hand and kiss you, but instead I took care of you.
Even so, I loved you then.
I love you less, in the open light, when we stopped communicating.
You've hurt me to bits, without even realizing. You don't realize how much I really love you.
Stab me in the back and I'll still look up to you.
See me tremble, see my stomach swivel in knots. I've cried out all my heartache, so there is no more mascara to smudge. It's worse because I'll still whimper in the dark.

Even through these nights,
god,
I'll always find love for you.