I can't make up my mind. You should know this by now. What I wanted this morning is completely different to what I want in this moment and that will probably be completely different to what I'll want tomorrow. People change, but I think I change too quickly. Every emotion I feel is fleeting, although not completely gone. Like the ocean, my feelings come in waves. Just when I think I've forgotten you and I've stopped missing your presence; you come crashing onto the shore of my mind at full force. As soon as I think I'm content with my life and where I am, give it a while and the sadness will come in again as sure as the morning tide. I've always admired the stars. The steady, steady stars. Who have made up their mind and don't lose it, because they know they are happy. But I, I am always looking for what's to come or looking back on what I've missed out on. I make and break friendships so easily and although it hurts to lose so many people far too soon, I can't stick around. Boys who spilled their hearts out on the table for me to greedily consume and I swear, it wasn't my intention to let you go. I just always think I know what I want and when I realize you're not what I need, I am not strong enough to pretend that you are. I'm sorry for telling you that you were the one I've been waiting for and for calling you every night for hours on end. I'm sorry for reading you the poems I wrote and making you feel like you meant something to me. I'm sorry I drank too much when I finally saw you and couldn't hide the fact that I felt nothing for you. I really thought we could change the world, I thought you were everything I was looking for. I just wanted someone to hold me and someone to confide in and someone to love me by choice and not by default. I think the person I wanted you to be and the person you are is very different. You see, I'm very good at writing pretty words and making people feel something with my writing, when in truth, that's all it is; ink on a page. I'm not so great at making people stay and I'll push you out of my space as soon as I realize you've invaded it. You were so close to my heart, you could've reached out your hand and grabbed it. I would've let you keep it but I hope you understand that it would've ruined me. I love too much and I show it too little. I care a lot but if you care for me I'll run from your embrace. I'm so ready to give everything away and love someone irrevocably. I just don't think I'm ready for someone to love me the same way. You have to realize that if you want me, we have to take it so slowly that I won't even notice us falling. We have to take the stairs because at least if you're not there to catch me, I can take them back up. The truth is, I've never been good at happy endings. I've only ever been good at beginnings. Every relationship I've ever had, romantic or platonic, ended mid sentence.