Sleet creates a maelstrom outside my window as I hemorrhage in my sleep. A side effect of numbing myself. Addicted to feeling dead inside, addicted to not remembering the night before, or the day after. My skin bruises to the touch of the ones around me. Morose, jaded, breathing. You can't paint everything black. There's blood under my finger nails. I'm not coming back.

I'm not sure loneliness is what I feel inside of me, but on the days in which I stare too long, something inside of me aches to get out.  I'm spiraling out of control. I feel like I'm fading away, becoming invisable. How much longer till I take a bath and never come out. Can one person hold all this inside of them without it spilling over, drowning in it even.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, this is all *******.