I remember untangling you from my thoughts like i did when we were in bed. The irony makes me laugh every time. The promises made between the sheets were always empty just like your love. You never seemed to even glance at the road map that showed you just how to treat me, never even read the warning that said "handle with care, still really really fragile"you paved your way and broke my heart and now im stuck and i cant unremember the memories i can only stop remembering how close we were ......and i can only untangle you from me like how you threw my clothes onto your bedroom floor and made me feel empty and wanted, ***** and easy all at once.
They tell you after the first time that you are ***** it gets easier if you talk about it, but you see ive spent hours talking about it choking up at the thought i didnt say no loud enough, that i can no longer string my words together to describe how broken and used i feel. He told me hed never do that to me, and as the word no seemed to seep through my tightly pressed lips its as if like a light switch he turned deaf. My pleas for no had no impact no matter how many times i said it. It eventually lost its meaning. "No i dont want it" wasnt allowed. I began to realize as long as no wasnt directed towards them theyd never become my ******. Ive spent countless nights playing the what if game with a bottle of anti depressants, that i now can finally tell him "its okay you can hold my hand if you want" without me being afraid of him pushing it too far. And every no means no. Ill never have to fight for the right to my own body again.