I stare at glass ornaments all night long
because the light that reflects off of them
is much more exciting than the blackness
given off by the backs of my eyelids.

You take pride in Christmas lights hung
all over this one bedroom apartment,
cramped with two bodies,
four cats,
and enough clothes to stock a salvation army
for years, and make millions.

This is plan B and
we are adjusting.
Awake at 5 AM to be out at
6:10 to make the 20 minute journey
across town to the school
I refused to leave.

I am an honors student,
but not destined for Ivy League.
Cramming is my best quality,
though I guess it could be worse.  
You could find me down by the tracks
with ***** on my breathe and
glazed over eyes. Luckily I decided
I just don't have the time.

I've adopted the habit of running daily.
Just around the complex until my lungs
scream so loudly for air that my vision
threatens to leave me.
I find something comforting in
not being able to see straight.
Dizzy with oxygen deprivation,
it's a kind of Euphoria.

This is life: new, and exhausting.