since the age
I became a woman
and my hips widened
to welcome
future children
they told me
"lose 5 pounds."

they said
"you will feel healthier"
"be happier"
"look better"
but I felt, was, looked
just fine.

but the words
never stopped
and they seeped
deep into my brain
and I believed
every word.

so I stopped
eating carbs
and then anything
with a calorie
because I was told
calories make me
unhealthy, bad, worse.

and they say
"you look so healthy!"
"so happy!"
"so much better!'
but actually
I am dying
I cry in the bathroom
***** on my chin.

but my jeans
sling low on my hips
held up by shoestrings
and sharp angled bones
and my bras gap
over my deflated *******
like before
I reached the age
where I became a woman.