He says something inappropriate. I end the conversation with a melancholic statement. He reaches out to me and... touch. I don't feel anything. Looking him up and down my face reads sad frustration but underneath it all panic. I can't feel him. I don't get hit by the sudden rush of his deodorant...In the midst of his presence and my heart doesn't skip a few beats..expecting his hand to touch my forearm. Beckoning. "I'm joking" he repeats.

But he doesn't see the internal concern. And all I want to do right now is pull him in and hold him really tight; whisper in his ear "I can't feel you", panic in my voice. A whisper he'll never understand.

I can't feel you anymore...