I find myself watching
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Over and over and over again.

I've seen this movie over 200 times.
I watched it seven times in one day
Over and over and over again...

The equivalent of
more than fourteen hours;
more than half of a day wasted
pretending I could erase him too.
I just couldn't stop.

The fantasy was too enthralling...
I wished I had Alzheimer's,
since the procedure doesn't exist,
but if I did, he would have been
the only thing
I could remember.

That was three years ago.
And honestly,
I'm not sure why
I've watched it
three times this week.

I think I'm preparing myself
for the moment
when what seems
too good to be true
finally is.

And maybe when this moment strikes me
like a bolt of lightning,
I won't feel the need to watch it
as many times as before.

Then again,
I've heard lightning never strikes
the same place twice.

I hope for the best
and prepare for the worst.


...Ironically enough,
I hope that I forget
I felt this way
tomorrow.