After long stretches of limited internet,  Tuesday will begin a period reliable internet. so, this weekend  (if i can deal with this thing crashing as it has after a lengthy out poring as just happened) I maybe able to address some rather important things, and maybe fill in some holes and even give something back, or at least attempt to for many whom deserve it here and a few that truly do deserve a few words.
Please be patient, for this will not be fun, nor the ego trip nor self deprecating that has been before. and some explanations and well, maybe finally something i have been needing, something while letting some things go,no matter how I appear or what comes of it, though, i truly hope something good has come of all of this, for others, considering our lives were saved by good people, many  good people in many places and ways, this is a fact. Thank You.. please know that for all the bad, strange and well, etc we realize the first and trust intent in this by most, is and was to save us from horror far more insidious than we could have imagined at the time. and these good people range from every walk and place in life, thank you. and this is just part of what I need to address and walk through in this week. please just know that , as always, i am simply  going to put it out and be honest as i can and for what little i even know or have to offer as a full picture of what  I have done and went through and where I/we are at this point. honestly, it is needed by myself more than anyone. so pleases be patient, as you have been for so long. i thank you so every dearly. truly.