i want to call you and yell and scream and let it all out
i want to throw an empty bottle of ***** at your head and hear it hit the wall in a million pieces. i want you to hear the sound of glass shattering so you’ll never forget how much you’ve affected me
i want to cry my eyes out and i want someone to hear me do it
i want you to pay attention to what you’ve done to me
i want you to notice the person i’ve become

but
i want to be calm and collected

i want you to see me dancing with someone else
i want you to see the smile on my face and wonder who put it there
i want you to see me kiss another boy and i want you to feel insanely jealous
i want you to see me in that dress and picture yourself taking it off
i want you to want what you can’t have and feel the insanity of frustration boil inside you

i want you to ache someday like i ache right now

but
i couldn’t bear to see you in pain