Can't explain that feeling, when we got that knock at the door It's like my whole world just stopped, as i sat there on the floor Something was trying to prepare me for what was about to come But it really didn't matter, I just instantaneously felt so numb.
I wanted to be strong and I knew I could put on a straight face But if only I could let everyone see how hard it was not to just break It was just one thing that I knew I could never replace I would go to sleep at night wishing that it was all just a mistake
When I was in my car alone, I would always just cry But never when people were around me and I never knew why I guess at first I was just so **** mad I would think How could my sister just leave me & why couldn't I see it was so bad
Then I took a step back and thought about the conversations we had She would tell me I don't want to be here anymore I remember telling her Everything will be OK, just don't be so sad I never thought she would actually do it, so it was something I just ignored.
Never once had I thought I would ever lose my sister this way And the pain still resonates within me today I guess cause there was so much I still wanted to say Like how much I love her and how I still think back to those days
We shared so much growing up together And we always had each other's back I didn't matter whether we were fighting with each other we were sisters through thick and thin; white or black
So you see there is no gray area between us For you will forever be the yin to my yang So that brings to this point now to discuss;
How wonderful my big sister was to me And she will forever be apart of me Though she is gone, I will forever remember All the days we just played and laughed together
Those memories so near and dear to my heart will forever be etched deep inside like a scar Even though I still feel this pain from being apart I will always carry a part of you with me, no matter where we are.
This is for my big sister Brittanie Michelle Becerra. On June 22nd 2012 I found out my sister took her life only 3- 4 hours after getting off the phone with me on June 20th 2012. I just have to forgive her and understand she didn't do it to hurt me or really anyone in my family. And i have to forgive myself for being so mad at myself for not doing more and feeling like there is something i could have possibly done to prevent this from happening.
Everything happens for a reason and though I may not know why or never for that matter, I can't change what is But i can always remember what was. I love you and forgive you Brittanie. Love ****** <3