Im writing this because I need closure and I don't know maybe you do to. I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to you over the last three months for a lot reasons so I'll just get into it. I really thought we were going to get back to together this summer and not just for the summer but a while after. Now I see that that was wishful but honestly I am terrified of how hard I fell for you without even seeing you in a person. I was so astounded by the amount of soreness I felt that I won over your biggest doubter who was of course my self. And then how easily you threw away something that I felt so sure about and so confident in killed me. Hearing your name put me in a **** mood for weeks on end. Honestly it still does. And it's not your fault you don't know how much you mean to me because I've never told you in as many words but I tried. And so even now I can't bring myself to talk to you on a daily basis because I am so sure the story will end in me doubting myself like I do when we stop talking every single year. I guess what I'm trying to say is when I stop talking to you it's not because I'm mad at what you did or mad at what you do its just that I want to save myself of making the same mistake over and over again.