"That is final!"
The last words I say
As I slowly meld all the epilogues
From my favorite stories together
The Last words I have said
To the woman to raised me from the tin cans
That rattle in my brain when I think of her.

Saying I love her
Is the beautiful struggle
I arm wrestling with every day
As I look at the ceiling
Trying to use my eyes
As a cradle for my tears.
Hold them back,
Hold them back,
I say hold them back
Just the ******* gates called shadows
That would would slam her head
Against the door
Because I wouldn't clean my room.

When people ask me about her
I hide the truth under my hoodie
Don't show the truth
Like a weapon
Of awkward conversations
And nervously say,
“Same old same old.”

Forgiveness is only used
With people who like their music on repeat.
I used to subconsciously.
Oh yes,
Played each song perfectly
“Wait I've found your stash
In the same place last month.”
Oh yes I remember that time,
When you were tripping
Over the bottles that held memories
Of when you said
That you would quit
The liquid demons this time

"This time"
The only song I'm thinking of
When I'm thinking
“Mom why are you pouting
On the floor of the market,
You’re 48?”

Her demons constantly grab at my ankles,
Whispering it won’t happen again.
Yet here I am,
Running from the missed calls on my phone,
Sitting in this vacant apartment,
Terrified that I made the wrong decision
Of starting over.