I changed everything I could
My hair is short and red now
I love it
I love it
I love it
I've always wanted to have short hair
It's way more comfortable
Too bad you hate it
Go back to ignoring me

Maybe I wouldn't always feel so lost if I didn't depend on other people for my happiness
Or if I didn't depend on people for feeling like I belong anywhere when I know I don't

I mean come on
I love spiders
And I want those weird creatures from the cigarette commercials so I can breed an army
I watched all of the wrong turn movies before I turned 12 with either a straight face or a smile
I have severe ptsd
Apparently I'm slightly murderous
I can't get over the fact that my bones will always stick out and I hate it

My dad won't let me get shots that prevent cancer
Or all the other basic shots
Or birth control even if I almost pass out every time I'm on my period because I lose so much blood

I had to mother my older brother because no one else had the patience to
My dad hated that he couldn't remember ****
He wouldn't try to teach him things again after three tries
Or he would start beating him or yelling loud enough to hear a mile away

My dad wants me to prove I can do it on my own but he keeps setting me up to fail
Well ******* dad so far I'm WINNING
I get to be me
I get to play with the bugs and listen to music that makes me happy loud enough not to let me sleep
I get to pick up rocks and look at them because I am so genuinely fascinated by everything in nature
I was never allowed to collect cicada shells before now
Do you know how cool cicadas are?
There's annual cicadas which are a generation per year probably
And then there's the ones that live in the ground longer than the average dog lives
And then just for the rest of that summer
17 years for one summer

Maybe Rj would be happier if I was dead
I mean probably
He hates me for me making my life better than his
He should work on that