if i were to nuzzle into the corner of your neck and tell you the things that are time bomb-ing inside of me,
would you still tickle my curves with your familiar fingers? would you still look beyond me, grasping the galaxies of my soul with those eyes i know i knew before i met you? would you wait patiently for me to sputter undesirable fears before whispering with all the gentleness that you'll love me no matter what?
or is it
different
now, because i reaped your unblinking faith and have no harvest to offer. because i told you forever when you asked and didn't mention that thing where when you get too close i become aflame with claustrophobia, even if i love you undyingly. i have to run. i have to run. i have to bolt. you deserve a family.
i am finding reasons to find excuses to find justification for
avoiding telling you.
on my bed, you kissed me up and down and said, 'for life'
i didn't say anything .
you are a stunning piece of human and i am going to
let
you
down.
just like your mom did.
just like your dad did.
i don't think i shall ever sleep again.
i love you. i have to run. i have to run. i have to bolt.