My stomach is tied in knots and I haven't looked at you in 3 days. My hands are shaking as I glance at you sideways. I can't keep any food down and I sweat all of the time. I haven't been without you a single day for 13 years. Now I let you sit there mocking me. You know I want you, but I have to stay away. They say it gets easier each day, but right now I am going through hell. I am a shadow of myself and I can't think. I sit down at the table and stare at you under a single pail light. I fumble with a glass trying to decide, will I make it one more night. I place my hands over my head and rub my hair, I want to be with you, but I do not dare. This is it, this is the price I have to pay. I have to fight you if I want my family to stay. I push myself away from the table and stand up to walk away, I say good bye to my last bottle of Whiskey, as I resolve not to let it have it's way.