My life decisions that have been made rest somewhere in my head for me to rethink them whenever I'm able to
The things I have never done and the reasons behind my paralyzation to do them and every possibility of a life led by doing all the things I ever wanted to do
The life of acting on my thoughts, the life of showing emotion, the life of existing outside the walls of my own head
But I am imprisoned by my own self which makes the equation of freedom impossible
Because if one of my hands tried to free me of my misery the other would pull me down and pull the rope around my wrists tighter than before
As with every thought that tries to let me act and exist just to find another opposing thought destroying all that it has been preparing for
The struggle of fighting your own self is you could never win or lose
Whoever wins loses at the same time, and whoever loses somehow wins
For you don't know whose side have you been taking and who you were battling against
And you have to live in between
Never getting the satisfaction and freedom of living without holding anything back
Nor being able to live with the silence undisturbed
And so you stand in the middle paralyzed
Until one day the rope is pulled too tightly around your neck
Turning you blue
And the fight ends with both of you losing
Or winning.