It's not fair, really.
I'm sorry
I can't stop the unending anxiety
It's not even your fault.
It's hers.
Much like those face books posts,
Damaged women who can't trust
The "crazy" women who refuse to trust.
I'm the same.
She killed the steadfast trust I used to have.
I'm a groundhog.
I poke my head out
scatter at the first sign of trouble
And hole up inside my head all alone.
I'm sorry.
I have these hard days
I have these days where it's hard to trust.
It's not your fault but you're stuck with me.
I'm trying so hard to change.
I'm a cat.
I thrive off of the affection of my person.
I'm skittish.
When I'm scared
I try and make myself look bigger.
This isn't me.
This isn't who I want to be
I wish I could take a knife
Stab this anxiety
Strangle these trust issues.
Free myself to love you without a single fear.
I'll keep dragging my feet
I'll keep checking my phone.
I hope you're having fun.
I hope I can relax today.
I'll keep my fears silent.
And
I'll work at trusting you more
I'm sorry I have these days of weakness.
It's not your fault.
I'm a guppy
In a lake of anxiety sharks
It's feeding time
And here comes their attack.