John.
Its been awhile.
But its your birthday.
I know I won't be able to write this without crying
but I'll try.
Its been a long year and a half without you.
I heard our song today and I knew that God must've been punishing me for not helping you.
I am so sorry.
I am sorry that I am the reason you are not here anymore.
I'm sorry I pushed you away instead of helping you when you needed me the most.
I am so sorry that I can't help but think that I might as well have carved your name into that stone.
I'm sorry that I got to celebrate my birthday while yours is only celebrated through those who mourn you.
I am sorry that I allowed you to get close to me when I know I am a hurricane that feels no remorse when destroying peoples' homes and forcing them to find a new one.
I'm so sorry I didn't realize my heart beats for you until yours stopped beating.
I miss you terribly.
I hope you rest in peace.
I'll be living in guilt.