“I tire of this kitchen”
Said the toaster to the lamp
“The décor is abominable
And the walls are always damp”
“It’s worse for me though, surely?”
Said the table to the toaster
“There’s seven cups upon my back
And not a single coaster!”

The chairs, they scoffed in ridicule
“You think that cups are bad?
We always get the **** holes
And we’re lucky if they’re clad!”
The washer/dryer twitched its door
“And where do you suppose
They put their ***** underpants
And heaps of mucky clothes?”

With a flicker of its light-bulb
The lamp took centre stage
“Look here now, we’re all upset
And worse for wear and age
But when you’re feeling sad and glum
And need to find some cheer
Remember that it could be worse
You could be from IKEA”