oh, woe is me
forgot to water my cacti for five months
and accidentally left all my sentences hanging
I can’t stop drawing smiley faces with noses
and making rude jokes and laughing at them
my pet turtle is dying
came home and sat by him for a long while
his eyes are swollen and his shell peels
and still he tries to stay alive
I quietly watched him struggle to breathe
then proceeded to accomplish nothing
the sun says “ha, loser” as it goes down
the moon fades in on cue,
looks at me and tells me “get yourself together”
my mother prays about me every night
my father rebukes me every morning
I’m sorry I can’t be more useful
or bring more glory
lol did I just pretend to be upset because
I felt that that would be the correct (expected?) reaction
like I’m supposed to feel some remorse
to be indifferent, or not to be indifferent
that is the question
the sun is setting just for me
I can give up too
is it possible to give up if I never tried
did I try
I lay in bed and pretend to sleep
I’m sleeping so I don’t have to face anything
what do you mean put in effort
what kind and how much effort do you consider effort
dragging my body out from under the sheets in itself is trying
making myself some coffee to stay up at night is trying
gathering my books into a neat stack on a table is trying
oh, but you know, I can’t say I actually tried
I don’t want to talk until I’ve cleared my head
not like there’s anything up here anyways
God please grant me an ounce of common sense
while struggling with myself, I think of the smiley face with the nose
I’m guessing that’s the kind of expression I should be making about now
I should stop treating life like a bad joke
but I have yet to find something that makes me cringe that badly
or facepalm myself that hard
occasionally the universe tells a good joke
I slap my knee like a great grand pappy and laugh nonstop
sometimes it is annoying and meaningless
I sit in the shower for an hour nonstop
obligations glare at me harder
“go away I’m naked”
“so not only are you a failure, you are a naked failure”
I slap my knee and laugh nonstop
that was an example of one of life’s good jokes
I get out of the shower and into the bed
again I pretend to die
vaguely I recall
the other day stepping out the shower all I remember is
please forgive me please forgive me
three words tripping over themselves and mind reeling
watch out, shitstorm approaching
by habit, I panic
see the correct response is to climb out from under the sheets, make a coffee and arrange my books in order
don’t forget to look really anxious
I spend most of my life huddled with knees drawn up against my chest
praying for storms to pass and wars to end
7pm the sun will tell me again “can you not be pathetic”
and the moon will fade in on cue, saying
“you’re still all over the place”