"you just dont get it do you.
cutting is not a way of getting you to look at the pretty picture we made in school. its not for you. and if you think it is then you need to turn around look in the mirror and bite your tongue so hard you bleed.
self mutilation is not a hobby we do on sunday's with our old war buddies. we dont put on our 10 year old jeans and favorite t shirt and have at it with our bodies. no.
its an addiction. some people are addicted to the things that make them horrible. smokers like the feel
of the polluted air filling their lungs. maybe it gives them a break from the chemical that usually inflates them. you.
or maybe like how alcoholics like the way the whiskey makes them feel warm. maybe it's because you have a way of making them feel so cold and lonely that a waterford glass of their best friend is all they have at night while you sit at home reading, unaware to their suffering.
or maybe like how druggies like the way the chemical compounds feel in their hearts and legs and spines. maybe the "substance of the courageous" acts as a temporary cocktail in their blood that makes their bones feel less heavy and unbearable. like maybe they could withstand the worlds pressures for just one more day.
or maybe like how gamblers like the risk. they like the adrenaline of new cards beneath their greedy little fingers. they like being sweaty and on edge. maybe the thrill of a black queen is all the excitement they have ever felt in 6 and a half years. i wonder why, maybe because you **** the rush out of life.
go get them some flowers or maybe a new pair of socks. be spontaneous.
but us, we're addicted to something that makes us feel okay enough to go out into the world and talk. exchange words with you. it makes us feel like the constant buzz of rage or pain or anxiety or self loathe or abuse that constantly runs through our veins freeze. for just a little while. cutting is a release of chemicals in our brains that give us a way to stop the earth from revolving for only a small amount of bargained time. and those seconds that we grant ourselves are all we need get through our desolate days filled with dismal ******* that make us hurt so deeply we don't know any other way to cope. cutting is our escape much like the escape you manage. maybe a morning drink or those two minutes you spend alone outside.
if you take away our escape, we'll be trapped. and when we're trapped we'll panic and look for a new more severe way to cope.
and you wouldn't want that now would you."