I've come to a conclusion.
My past is my own self destruction.
While my environment verbally & mentally
Took its own sick & twisted toll on me
I took an emotional & physiological toll on myself
I allowed myself to give in to what they wanted.
Told myself that their lies were the truth
Which meant if I lied I was telling the truth
I convinced myself that if I stopped fighting
It would be better to be an empty drugged shell
I lost myself. In the worst way possible
I self destructed my education
Self destructed relationships because I never learned how to build healthy ones
I hurt those who loved me & at that time I had no emotion left except anger & fear
They didn't even need to continue to abuse me
I brought it on myself by tearing my life down
However... I tore it down because I wanted something more than that...
So here I am
Battling every day with myself
Telling myself to keep going
That I am ready
Ready to stop self destructing
Ready to learn and experience
Ready to let go of my anger and fear
Ready to be the person I wanted have the chance to be.
So please...
Forgive me if I struggle.
Forgive me if sometimes things don't click
Forgive me if I get really angry really quick
I'm trying the best I can.
Please don't give up on me
I am a good person.
I will become far more than who I am now