my mind is made of medicine
I forget to take my doses
and suddenly everything is chaos
looking in the mirror is horror
feeling emotions again is unbearable
and I remember why I need
the maximum dose
of this ******* anti-psychotic
and I remember why I was thrown
in the mental hospital
and I remember what it's like
to dissociate
and I remember what it's like
to come back from that
or have brief moments of clarity
only to be drowned in confusion
and suffocated by delirium
and I remember what it's like
to not want to exist
and I remember what it's like
to feel meaningless
and I remember what it's like
to have to pretend
and I remember what it's like
to hit a dead end