I was missing you again,
Regretting that you are not here.
It's been a year,
But my heart has not healed
From losing you.
I was looking through old pictures
Of you
Of us
And found the one
Where I'm looking up at you
Smiling.
And you're looking at the camera
Smiling.
But when I see your smile
In this photograph,
I now see the tears behind the smile,
The pain you held inside,
How you were breaking at the seams,
And the heartbreak you felt.
I look at this picture
Of you and I
With you so beautiful in black and white.
I wonder how any of us
Could have been so blind
To not see the pain you held inside.

Today I will visit your grave.
I'll kiss your name in concrete.
I'll try to stay strong
Like you would want me to.
Like I wish you had.
But in the end I know
I'll break down
And be there until sunset
Weeping and weeping
Whispering your name
And one hundred times
"I'm sorry"
"I'm sorry"
"I'm so sorry".