you pity those people
crying in a field
momentarily
then you pity yourself

“They have no idea what it feels like to wait for the hurting to begin.”

you wait
you light a cigarette and wait
you have convinced yourself that you will see them again
you know that will not happen
but you are convinced
repeating the mantra to a faceless god

“If death is salvation,
I want you to bring me to the garden
where I can eat peaches
and have unprotected ***.”