I live in the shadow of a girl who never existed. I exist in the wake of a love lost. When the fire came and took everything, I was the only thing that remained. God was there to pry the dagger from my trembling hands. He looked me in the eye and said "it's time to let go now, if you don't you'll never learn how." So I thanked him for this second chance he had given me and I left, forgetting what I thought I didn't believe in. I thought the worst of it was over, but no time spent in Hell could've prepared me for Earth. But then I found him, and I found solace in the corners of his mind. I tried to help but there were so many bombs and only one of me and I am so small. I fell from Heaven's Grace with ease but I was not prepared to fall in love. I was scared, for a King could never love a peasant. If I had to choose, I would fall from Heaven a million times over before I would willingly choose to fall in love. Because I know what to expect when I hit the ground, I know how to brace my small body against the dirt. But I do not know how to protect myself against a broken heart. The first time he took me out of his head and put me in the light I was petrified; I had spent so much time knowing his every thought that this foreign uncertainty made me feel sick. But there was beauty in it too, a small spark of heat growing somewhere inside of me and that was the most terrifying part of it all. That night I begged God to let me back into Heaven, but he told me this was my home now. So I learned the ways of life in this small town, I taught myself to be polite and to laugh at all of the right times. I made friends and eventually lost friends, I got in and out of relationships so fast it left me reeling. But every night, my Brothers and Sisters would come to me and tell me that I had to go and find him before it was too late. So I left, and I wandered until I found Him, and I told him I loved him even though I wasn't sure what that word was supposed to mean. I gave him all the parts of me I thought were lost forever, I let him see me naked, I let him see my Grace and where my wings had been before I Fell. He kissed the scars on my knuckles and told me I was beautiful, and as the old human saying goes "the rest was history." This is my home now, we have a beautiful Nephilim child and a tiny house in the woods. I feel human in my heart, because he has planted the seeds of love in me. I am writing this as a letter to myself, so that I can read it whenever I need, so to never forget where I came from and how I got here. I don't miss Heaven anymore, I have found true Nirvana in the way our daughters' eyes light up when he comes home from work. I used to be mad at my father for sending me down here but now I wish there was a way to let him now how grateful I am, though I have a feeling he already knows. We are expecting another little girl in May. We're going to name her Amriel - or Amy, for short. I know I said that I would never willingly fall in love but if falling in love means a perfect husband and a daughter who dreams about Angels and draws clouds on her walls, then I would choose to fall in love over and over again.