There is little here in this sun-scaped city to press a frown onto my face. I feel free I've lost ten pounds my skin is smooth I bought new fashionable clothes and I laugh more than ever before, and that is what people see, will amber annex buster dani skyla rashid duane kiki chase adrianna all these new people who laugh at my funny name only see this happy smiling girl who is kind and quick to help and make jokes and dance and offer advice and yet despite the freedom I feel it comes with equal parts guilt. have I ever smiled so much before? The me people meet now is so new to me it feels like a lie it's nice of you to ask me on a date but how could I tell you the horrors of my past? with all this smiling you'd never believe the years of frowns and tears no one would think to look for the lines where you can see my burn scars they wouldn't look at my differently when I trace old bruises they don't think to be careful when touching me they don't have a clue and it's all I've ever wanted to have people think nothing is wrong for me to be like the other girls, but now that that's what people see, my smiles though real make me feel like I'm lying to everyone around me.
I'm not fixed inside yet, but all this smiling and laughing at mistakes and not getting screamed at everyday or being told how repulsive I am is helping... just not with the guilt.