You named her “best friend” And she became the twitch in my eye She became the wall I began to hurl myself against Praying that I wouldn’t shatter before she budged
You named me “baby” And marked me down for what I am A child who doesn’t like to share A jealous girl clutching her favorite teddy bear Who’s one temper-tantrum away from scratching at anyone who’s ever touched him
There are parts of me that I’m afraid of letting you see Pieces that I cracked in other girls’ mirrors Trying to be all that was desirable in them Lately I find myself Crunched into the corner of her looking glass Desperate to know how she commands your attention
She seems so harmless Small and smiley But I’ve watched her gaze Seen it try to tear me from your side So I named her “benzene” Sweet and cloying And toxic
I’ve been gagging on her name ever since Felt it clawing at my throat Forcing me to either acknowledge her presence Or choke Still, I named you “dearest” And she has been watching me with liquid nitrogen stares Unreactive but deathly cold Leaving me goose-bumped and panicked
You sing her name Oblivious to how it knocks against my ears How it squeezes my skull until I’m retching So I named her “migraine” And every time she is there I am ill Her name has me ripping out my insides just to stop feeling sick Wondering how to rewrite myself So that you won’t crave her attention anymore How to make myself good enough So that you won’t need her anymore
You named me “beautiful” Sighed about getting lost in my eyes But I noticed Hers and mine are the same color Sometimes I can’t help but wonder When you’re staring into mine Do you wish they were hers?
Still, you named me “dearest” “Darling” “Girlfriend” You named her “best friend” I am afraid of what she names you