preparing for your eyes to open
by jimmy-king
your lips hung, slightly parted,
as you slept through the morning.
your face was smooth
and your tiny nose ring glinted
in the light that passed through the pine trees
and into our tent.
i stared at you, over there, for a long time
from where i lay in my sleeping bag, over here.
i knew that, just as it happened two years ago
when we lay in the bed at my mother’s house,
having spent the night together for the first time,
your eyes would slowly flicker open to meet mine
and i would somehow have to account
for why my gaze was already fixed on yours.
i prepared a hundred different good-mornings,
some chipper
(“good morning!”)
and others saddened
(“hey, good—um… good morning.”)
or only a little bit saddened
(“hey there. good morning.”)
just to seem more natural even though
they were all still going to be a little bit
too chipper.
but i looked away at just the right moment and you muttered,
in your tired voice,
“how did none of the rain get into the tent?”
so all my preparations were obsolete.
i told my mom tonight,
that we’re no longer whatever we were
and it was only the fourth time i can really remember
tearing up in front of her,
although it surely happened quite frequently
when i was younger. after
scraping a knee, for instance, or
getting scolded by my brother.
the skin on my knee has healed now though,
so i’m thinking i’ll just try
not to be so concerned.
about anything, really.