I try to write you out of my mind-
try to cry until there's no more tears
but they end up coming anyways
and it's not because I miss what we had.
It's because I let myself feel unhappiness for so long
that I convinced myself you were my happy-
when in reality you would bring me down
just to bring me up
so the reliance would fall upon you
but you got greedy-
and soon it was too much for you to handle
so you had to let me go.
You built me up and let me down
within the span of a year
and I think six months in is when
my world started to turn
because that's when the poems started.
The pages and stanzas of words
I felt for you that made me feel
nothing about myself-
you always made me feel low.
But I told myself I could fix it
because that's what I've been doing my whole life
trying to repair the things I didn't actually break
spending all my time fixing others mistakes.
You were never a mistake-
and I will always love you
deep down inside of me
I believe you are the one for me-
just not right now.
I've been acting as a parent my whole life
enough to know
that you have some growing up to do.
My outline is just a shade of dark now
and I'm working on the light again.
The flame I once was became smothered by love
and I'm trying to get it back-
but the wood is too wet from all the tears
and I don't have much to fuel the fire
because I am so ******* exhausted.
I'm tired of missing you-
when you hardly ever missed me anyways.
I know you love me-
you may think that's changed but it hasn't.
You convince yourself of these things
to make it all easier-
denial won't make it easier
repression won't make it easier.
Just deal with the fact
I was the one you loved most of all
and I was also the one you lost.
You can search inside yourself
to find what we had again
but you never will.
The void will always be empty
unless you have me.
So just remember my tragedy
fit your shoulders like a shirt sleeve
that now just wears your own heart upon it.
I wrote this in my dream last night-
I wrote this to get the thoughts of you
out of this mind they have been stuck in for days.
It hasn't been too long without you
but I start to miss you less and less-
I hope you start to miss me
so you'll realize exactly what you left.