I swore I wouldn't do it again

I did it again

I hurt him again

I can't fix what I've done

I've cracked his trust three times now

I'm drowning in guilt

I swore I'd never hurt him

I did

I wish I could go back in time

Back to before all this happened

It's all my fault

All of it

I want to make myself feel pain

Like I made him feel

I need to make myself pay

So I don't do it again

I can't bear to lose him

Although I didn't deserve him in the first place

"I'm sorry," doesn't heal ****

I don't know what to do

I'm lost in my own pain

And the fact that I've hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt

I'm so close to losing him

I don't want to **** up again

help me, someone

anyone

But when he asks what's wrong,

I say

"Nothing."