The past
Can grasp
For me
Plead
For me to pay it mind
Spare it my time
But if I did, that would be a self-destructive crime
Because life is too short to be wasting my time

Antiquated journal entries
Scorching my eyes
I thought I threw them all out
I thought I did away with my past entirely
But this journal entry
Brought me back to a day I have no recollection of
It made me feel like I felt five years ago,
Lonely and seeking attention in all the wrong places
Scared and shielded.

My, have I grown
Not in size or shape
But in destiny and fate
My life was heading in an ominous direction
How many times did I call out to God
Until I finally became humbled
And welcomed the Angels protection.

It's been a long journey
Through attempting to conform to dogmatic ideals
to becoming overwhelmed and lashing out in bouts of departing--
Dissociating
To allow the pain to be released in some rebellious way
But the core of me was still ailing and not okay
And only recently have I started to discover my self worth and potential
Not by comparing myself to others and deeming myself superior as to soothe my raging pain
But by listening to God and allowing Him to show me what steps to take so I can get out of life the most gain.