I woke up to bear leaves
I asked myself,
where has the time gone?

I fell asleep to dinner conversations and thought
when did everyone get this old?

I walked into the classroom and wondered
when did we stop talking?

I looked into my brothers room staring at his old toy trucks
and said
we used to play with these..

I looked up at the tree we used to climb in the front of my house
and I swear
it used to be so much bigger
I could've sworn

I lost that old swing set.
The one with the monkey bars we'd hang upside down from
and make silly faces on

And where did the neighbors of countless pbj sandwiches on plastic spongebob plates move?
That boy and the girl, Russian family.
The girl would only leave when she cried home for a band-aid.

I looked back at the amusement park pictures
from 07;
we used to go there
and the strangers always seemed so happy
It used to be a magical night that ended in a dripping cone of ice cream and laughter
or was it just a $4.00 cone?

I looked up as the band played their last song and
realized this concert will soon end and I could rarely remember what I had just experienced
After a couple days,
It seemed
this concert will only be small flashbacks
and was just another night
deriving from a 30 second video I took of my favorite song
as I continued to smile and cheer with delight as the crowd lifted their hands in the air
because I genuinely was happy,
but I can still only remember that last act
that 30 second, small screened, iphone video of a last act

Then I think back to the bear leaves.
I did watch them,
As I waited for the bus,
each day, grow more bare.
It was always happening,
just didn't seem as slow as it really was

Time will do its thing
and so will I,
paying close attention to what I tell myself I am doing
and what I have done
but the space between us;
me and time
from the present to the past
are the memories
that I want back

Let me relive them the way I had preserved them
on their shelf
Just as they used to seem
from when I was young
The ones that won't disappear
and leave to make me feel so empty.
I can only look,
not take them down
I want to remember them
like I had never grown.