I have always had a sense of pride
~in my ability to let go.
I can walk away from anyone -
the older brothers who
tortured and beat me up.
The older sister whose description of me still stings -
         "Her, she's a fat pig and I hate her!"
I walked away, no regrets
       family is whom I choose,
           not an accident.
I have only loved two men in my life,
one in my twenties,
     one in my late 50s.
the former was killed
      by the other he choose
the later choose another
    (she has the correct skin color and money).
It is hard to let go
      walking away isn't as easy.
There are sleepless nights.
    Questioning myself,
           my confidence shaken.
Is there something wrong with me?
The pain is very physical,
     nausea,
         projectile vomiting
and my heart won't stop aching.
My heart will not stop aching.
There are times it feels
      like my heart will jump
           right out of my chest,
              and explode.
So I write.
So that an anonymous audience
      may understand
         age doesn't matter.
heartbreak is heartbreak.
But when someone is my age
    I wonder if I will die feeling like this.
             and that ******.