you are my fuzzy vision when I stand up too quickly.
you are the sweetness at the bottom of my hot chocolate.
you are peaches and plums and black berries.
you are my sixth grade secret and my tenth grade regret.
you are bitten nails and shaking hands and warm hugs and soft skin.

when you are next to me I try to breathe you in.
and when you are far away I try to find you in these words.
I try to find you in your photos.

I can always find you in the song we listened to while you told me you were falling apart.
I see you in the picture of you smiling I took of you the day you told me you weren't sure that you would be alright.
When I look at a clock I can hear you whispering that you want to die into my ear as I tried to hold all your pieces together. tight. tight. tight.