you are 16 now.
I know you just lost the first boy you've ever loved like a part of your own body. each morning will be a reminder of how bright the world continues to be without you in it. you won't sleep for weeks. you won't stop crying for months.
years from now you will reencounter the person you once were like a family member you only vaguely recognize, let alone feel connected to in any way. it will take years to find your way back to her but she is out there. she's looking for you. a lot has happened since you left her. you have loved and loved and loved since him and you're right, it hasn't been the same. it will never be the same. but you, you are not the same. you are not the shell of a girl you once were, you will not always feel so empty. you are smart. you are kind and you are bitter and you are forgiving and you are angry and you are every bit of these things that you should be at this very moment. I know it feels like every soft and beautiful thing has rusted over and is picking at your bones. understand that pain means you're feeling.
be kind to your mother. reach out to your father. take a step. you've wasted enough of your life. most importantly, stop waiting to hear this from someone else.

this is your sign.