May 2015
mom called it “snow channel”
an ice storm of flowing pixels over the screen
drowning in nothing, it seems my
mood spirals to it like i’m flipping dead channels
like white noise ringing out
loud
last time i turned it off, i forgot to
turn it down
i lie in deafening silence
i lie staring at the snow-channel ceiling
i lie when I tell my mom I’m okay
that i’m not keeping bad thoughts at bay
that i don’t spend all day fighting
this, but i realize
all i’m feeling
unemphatic
just static
and the ceiling
an ice storm of flowing pixels over the screen
drowning in nothing, it seems my
mood spirals to it like i’m flipping dead channels
like white noise ringing out
loud
last time i turned it off, i forgot to
turn it down
i lie in deafening silence
i lie staring at the snow-channel ceiling
i lie when I tell my mom I’m okay
that i’m not keeping bad thoughts at bay
that i don’t spend all day fighting
this, but i realize
all i’m feeling
unemphatic
just static
and the ceiling
This poem intentionally neglects grammar to show the intense lack of emotion not usually addressed in depression. The rough draft lacked detail, so I tried what I did to add something concrete so I could let people know I wasn't ranting, as classmates couldn't make heads-or-tails of the original.
