The pause while passionate kissing is a painful one
Millimetres away from your tongue
Feeling your exhale on my lower lip
Our tongues meet again
Relief

I'm all empty smoke packs while he's chain smoking without offering me a drag

Nothing more than coffins
French kiss
Ignorance
Bliss

I told him I wanted to feel whole again
I asked him to set me free
Nothing louder than a whisper while he's fast asleep

All I feel is pain
No
All I feel is nothing

I'm left sitting in my room wondering who discovered attraction
Who first felt the need to touch their lips against another's
Who fumbled in the dark and discovered the power of naturally produced dopamine

Will I ever escape his grasp?
Will I ever feel whole without his lips no more than a millimetre away?
I sit and I wonder

This is a sickeness
This is an obsession

I've experimented with drugs but I've yet to find a rock that gets me this high nor has such confusingly addictive qualities

Like the day after Molly depression I feel the weight of your absence
Although I inhale it often
Both your skin and these pills
I will never be okay with the loneliness that I feel while away from both drugs and him

I often picture myself at your front door
Crying
Screaming
Begging for more

My last relationship was no more than use and abuse
And all I've ever wanted was calm and gentle touch
He understands
He understands so well
Accepts my tears, indecisiveness,  loud words and fear of physical contact while sober

I can't do this alone
I'm waiting in a line and I'm scared and I'm quiet
I'm waiting for the next time you'll decide you're lonely and breath me in
I'm waiting to hold your hand in public without fear of past lovers noticing

Six months without talking or eye contact only proves that I'll always ******* wait for you
I can't describe my love
I want to write it all down
But there is not any amount of words in Collins dictionary that could spell out my attraction to you

I know I'm not what you want
I know I'm what you need
I know you are tired
I feel the lack of love when you speak

Hold me
Set me free