one evening, like all others in most every way,
as I wash my face, brush my teeth and prepare for the coming night,
I look farther up than my chin in the mirror over the sink.
I look up, into my eyes, staring mostly blank into my reflection's eyes.
they're thoughtful in the way a sleepy child's are, half-lidded,
vaguely thoughtful, nothing inspiring, wondering what comes next.
my eyebrows raise slightly, startled by the revelation of existing.
I exist, in a human form that is my own. every millimeter of my body is mine.
I'm frozen for seconds, maybe hours, watching myself breathe, feeling my realness so suddenly that it could crush me with the weight of actually being a person,
and then my eyes cast to the side. I break my own contact, **** in a sharp breath, and continue my routine,
to pretend I never noticed myself.
sometimes I’ll be like brushing my teeth or washing my face and I’ll happen to meet my own eyes in the mirror and have the huge realization that I exist. I exist as a legitimate, valid human being and it’s always so immense that I stop doing anything for a few seconds before I break eye contact like I wasn’t meant to see myself at all