I'm not perfect
so much chaos lurks beneath the surface
I feel so useless
so worthless
I have all these thoughts and feelings
that are festering within
maybe I should be kneeling
asking forgiveness for my sins.

It's so hard to be good
when I'm surrounded by bad
It's so hard to do what I should
when I get so mad
with frustration
at my situation
the fact that it's my own doing
that I brought about my own ruin
only makes things worse
I dig my own grave
my soul I cannot save.
Now the die has been cast.

If only I could travel back to the past
to my ten year old self
back when I was innocent
before I worried about wealth
before I viewed adult content
before I knew what *** meant
he would be so ashamed
how I've blackened his name
but even though I'm so ****** up
we're still the same
buried deep within
just sleeping.

He would point out the obvious
to which I am oblivious
follow your dreams
the ones you had before your teens
forget that your brain has taken you hostage
and focus on the positive
the people that love you
and the love that is new
the ones that are closest
then you will make progress.

Maybe I just need that talk
to tell me I'm not a complete wreck
that I can be salvaged
that none of us are perfect
I just have to fix the damage
then maybe I can manage
to continue my journey
I guess its kinda funny
the things that I thought made me free
are the same things that have undone me.