May 2015
In honor of today I am playing this song (Independence Day-5 Seconds Of Summer) on repeat. At this exact time last year what I thought was the worst thing ever was in all reality the best Christmas gift God could have ever given me. What was the gift? I got my heart broken. Little did I know that through this heartbreak I would learn the following things:
1.) That guy wasn’t the one.
2.) I wasn’t going to get anywhere in life with that guy.
3.) I was only with him because the idea of loneliness terrified me.
4.) My poetry was turning to **** because I was neglecting it.
5.) I had unresolved issues that needed to be dealt with.
6.) I needed a huge reality check.
7.) I needed to clean up my social life.
8.) I needed to face everything that was causing me to be depressed therefore holding me back.
9.) I needed to find myself, embrace myself, love myself and
10.) I learned that I don’t need a man to tell me I'm beautiful or make me feel beautiful or awesome because who I am as a person is enough and if no guy can see that then that is his loss.
I didn’t just get dumped, or tossed to the side, I was pushed off a pedestal I had no business being on. I thought that if I had a boyfriend that life would be great and I would be happy with a simple kiss. I needed to be happy just being me. I needed to learn that what I think of myself matters, how I feel matters and being myself 110% even though everyone else around me might be trying to get me to be something else and to be comfortable in my skin is what is important. No kiss, no compliment, no boyfriend or guy can make me feel good about me only I can feel good about me. So this year I cleaned up everything. I dropped a lot of people who truly weren’t my friends. I had a friend from Wisconsin come visit me and she helped remind me of the person that I used to be and that who I used to be might have some influence on who I am today but I’m way different compared to the girl I was 2, 3 or 7 years ago. I’m not a girl anymore. I’m a woman. I’m a 22 year old woman who is finally living life for the very first time without insecurities and fear of what others think of her. 2014 was all about facing challenges and coming to terms with who I truly am. It was rough. I went through so many emotions that put me through a long rollercoaster but now I’m able to walk with confidence and not in a cocky way but a comfortable way. I faced all of my demons. Some scary some not so scary. I’m ending this year celebrating another gift from god this holiday season. I got courage, I got hope, I got strength, and those are things you can’t get in a box tied in a bow waiting under a Christmas Tree. 2015 is on it’s way and I’m looking forward to taking everything I learned in 2014 and applying it to the new challenges I’ll face all the while making memories that will one day be bedtime stories for when I have kids.
With that said, only fans of 5SOS will know what I’m celebrating this year. Here’s to Independence Day. Whether it’s freedom from an addiction, a toxic friendship, an unhealthy relationship, ect. Here’s to never looking back and moving on to better things. Stay cool, stay confident, stay awesome. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and even though it isn’t summer, Happy independence Day <3
With all my love,
Mandie Michelle Sanders <3
1.) That guy wasn’t the one.
2.) I wasn’t going to get anywhere in life with that guy.
3.) I was only with him because the idea of loneliness terrified me.
4.) My poetry was turning to **** because I was neglecting it.
5.) I had unresolved issues that needed to be dealt with.
6.) I needed a huge reality check.
7.) I needed to clean up my social life.
8.) I needed to face everything that was causing me to be depressed therefore holding me back.
9.) I needed to find myself, embrace myself, love myself and
10.) I learned that I don’t need a man to tell me I'm beautiful or make me feel beautiful or awesome because who I am as a person is enough and if no guy can see that then that is his loss.
I didn’t just get dumped, or tossed to the side, I was pushed off a pedestal I had no business being on. I thought that if I had a boyfriend that life would be great and I would be happy with a simple kiss. I needed to be happy just being me. I needed to learn that what I think of myself matters, how I feel matters and being myself 110% even though everyone else around me might be trying to get me to be something else and to be comfortable in my skin is what is important. No kiss, no compliment, no boyfriend or guy can make me feel good about me only I can feel good about me. So this year I cleaned up everything. I dropped a lot of people who truly weren’t my friends. I had a friend from Wisconsin come visit me and she helped remind me of the person that I used to be and that who I used to be might have some influence on who I am today but I’m way different compared to the girl I was 2, 3 or 7 years ago. I’m not a girl anymore. I’m a woman. I’m a 22 year old woman who is finally living life for the very first time without insecurities and fear of what others think of her. 2014 was all about facing challenges and coming to terms with who I truly am. It was rough. I went through so many emotions that put me through a long rollercoaster but now I’m able to walk with confidence and not in a cocky way but a comfortable way. I faced all of my demons. Some scary some not so scary. I’m ending this year celebrating another gift from god this holiday season. I got courage, I got hope, I got strength, and those are things you can’t get in a box tied in a bow waiting under a Christmas Tree. 2015 is on it’s way and I’m looking forward to taking everything I learned in 2014 and applying it to the new challenges I’ll face all the while making memories that will one day be bedtime stories for when I have kids.
With that said, only fans of 5SOS will know what I’m celebrating this year. Here’s to Independence Day. Whether it’s freedom from an addiction, a toxic friendship, an unhealthy relationship, ect. Here’s to never looking back and moving on to better things. Stay cool, stay confident, stay awesome. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and even though it isn’t summer, Happy independence Day <3
With all my love,
Mandie Michelle Sanders <3
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me Christmas Eve 2013. That same day he told me he hated me, called me every name in the book then turned around and got with my cousin. I thought he took everything I had emotionally. I thought I would never recover from that breakup. A year later when Christmas time came around I came to the conclusion that through this break up I found myself. I was smiling more, being single felt good. I'm still finding myself, I'm still single but I'm thankful because I was set free from a relationship that wasn't right for me. In getting over my ex I set myself free from all the bad things I thought I deserved. For the first time in a really long time I felt personal freedom from all the emotional baggage I had been carrying for so long.
