Smokey leaved insides
Green lipstick from the night before
I asked the bartender:
"Am I terrifying?"
But heres the safe restroom
A moment of seeing the sun hitting the windows
The fur coat I always wore
Lana Del Rey on repeat
I really thought, I think
That I did want it to be you?

The last time we drank ****** marys
All my material items, take them
Take them from me
A contentment, a sense of adventure
A knowing and feeling that you were right there
A relaxation I thought I could feel
But I glitch and we glitch
And I glitch through the line.

"I'm done. I'm so over it."
But I do, I admit
I cycle and recycle
Hoping for the real one
Hoping for the right one
But I don't wanna give up
My play time.
Lets be children on the playground
Together
Someday, whoever--wherever you are out there
My perhaps prince.

Lifting tables, piles of clothes
Take it all as I try to remember how to
Be mathematic, no--I really don't need
You to tell me in a positive stern way
That it wasn't "a waste."
No, it wasn't a waste
But you never danced into the night alone
You never dealt with saying "I'm an actress"
As men accused you of acting, acting all the time
You never knew REALLY knew
How that empty seat
Whistles and coos your name.

How could you?
How could I?
So I say a hundred and million more times--
I could **** myself over it, or I could be strong about it
Sarcasm and death, sarcasm and all the
Chocolate peanut butter ice cream
I wish I could drench my face in.

Long Eyelashes showed up unannounced
His blue eyes twinkling and gazing into mine
Take the mirror, take the board
May little reminders of me float through your life
Like pixie dust fresh from the moon
I hope I am always moon droplets
Everywhere I left my mark.

Kissing and longing
Whimpering, but body so tired
Anxiety and leg hurting
Can't go out and eat the night
Tonight
Hair in wet loops
Apartment covered in today and transition
I tell my mother: "I think I need to see a therapist."

BEAT.
"You are just stressed."
Yep. You are right.
I ******' am man.
But I look next to me
I long for the past in moments
For sushi nights, hustling down Spruce
A fresh new boy, a movie it felt so freeing to make
The avoidance and heartbreak, recovering
Recovering recovering recovering recovering recovering recovering.
That will be $
That will be $


But I
I drape my long lean strong legs
Over the empty seat.