You see, I like putting things down
My desk remains as cluttered
as my confusing social dance card
so I'm always dropping something
Things have always felt clumsy
in my hands
rather
I have always found the act of holding
to be clumsy
A sentence structure
a train of thought
a plan, slippery

Even now, it feels better
to lean over the notebook laying open
on my stomach level bed and
simply spill
these insecurities
and analytic gratuities
onto the page
rather than house their possibilities
for even one more second

And we both know
that as the ink dries on the page
it ***** all of the you out of the air
that otherwise would, and now again will, taste so stale
And I only said we both know
because that one sounds a lot better
with some backup
And maybe for the same reason
that I have never seen my father ask for directions
I feel much better knowing where I left the compass
than which way is north
And maybe for the same reason
that some things we talked about were never said
I feel like these messages can carry these encryptions
flimsy as they may be
But maybe they cannot.