She told me it was endearing

The way I move my hands

Never mind that I was drunk

Again

Never mind that if hands could stutter

Mine were half loaded cannons

Threatening to hit anyone who got too close

So I showed her the sign for

“I love you”

And

“Beautiful”

And because it’s my favorite

“Dream”

With her back to my chest I told her a story with my hands and her body

She told me that she never realized hands could say so much

Forget that they feel like zippers sometimes

The way they clasp into love

Forget about the days

When fists were held in the air

You acted surprised when so many people looked like superman and solidarity

Forget that mine tremble with no sign of stopping

From the chemo

And the fear that anyone I love will someday leave me

When we hold hands you can feel it

And I’m always asked if I’m cold

I show her the sign for

“Butterfly”

And

“Stubborn”

And explain my second favorite sign is

“Believe”

Because you’re really telling people that you are married to your thoughts

I jokingly sign

“Marry”

And

“Heartache”

But I tell her it means that I am trying to keep my heart trapped in my body

Like it might try and escape

These hands

They will bake you a cake on your birthday

And they will rub your shoulders when you need to relax

They will squeeze you like they were trying to remember what you feel like

These hands

They can do so much