Waking up to the sun shining on my face
it’s as if I died and fell into outer space
everything around me is so content
it’s like nothing can bother me
everything is fine
everything is going so well
it’s like I’ve been lifted out of this horrible place they all call hell
I can run and this time I’m not gasping for air
I’m surrounded by freedom and there is greatness everywhere
but eventually something has to happen to **** things up
I go from being strong to just wanting to give up
All the greatness disappears
and you can see underneath my mask
that I’m a fake I’m never really happy
because happiness doesn’t last
I’m the girl screaming in her pillow for the voices to stop
I’m the one crying for help because the pain gets to be too much
I’m the freak in the classroom who barely says a word
I’m the ****** up mind in the insane asylum locked up so I don’t get hurt
this depression eats away at me like a disease I can’t explain
I act like it never bothers me
in fact I never complain
You can never tell how I’m feeling unless you look real close
I’m always going crazy
I’m surprised I haven’t overdosed
I don’t talk about my feelings because no one will understand
so I put the thoughts away until the end of the day
then later cry compulsively in my hands
this happens all of the time
it’s so exhausting being depressed
it’s hard to laugh and stay content
when you haven’t gotten any rest
I battle this alone
have been for six years
I can’t keep track of my scars
and I can’t catch all my tears
all I know is that the way I feel sometimes
it just isn’t right
it gets so overwhelming
that I just want to give up this fight
some days are worse than others
but I always make it through
doesn’t matter what happens
I manage to find something positive to do
I don’t know when I’ll beat this
but I’ll try my best to keep going
I’ll do all I can to live my life successfully
to keep this illness called depression from growing