You tell me I should y'all
Text y'all
In those dark moments

But the **** am I supposed to say?
That I can't call you
Because
I am terrified of the condescending tone you use
That you think I can't hear
But will stay with me far longer
Than the attack?

And sometimes I feel I can just sense the judgement coming up cc you
as you look at my life
And don't see the pretty *** how on it

Should I call you back
After ye feelings have passed
To tell you how *******
bad I feel interrupting your
Previously scheduled program
For my break down?

Should I call you just during the major ones?
Or the mini ones that hot during the day
Should I add you on speed dial
For the six or seven times I'll call?

Should we make a schedule
Like the nurses do-
Who's on call
For the M train emergency tonight?

Should I tell you that 30% of the time at my therapist
Is spent deconstructing
Your reactions
To my actions?

No?
Cool.
Let's carry on as per usual then.