October 19th That's when I started to hate everything: My Boyfriend. School. My Family. Myself. My Life. Things I really cared about before. But that was before. Before my schitzo boyfriend became a liar. A cheater. Before he went from the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with to the man I never wanted to see again. Before I got to school one day, looked around, and got sick to my stomach. I realized that the bright, white lights, cold, white walls Reminded me of my second home: The Hospital. The other students resembled the slow "Beep, beep, beep" of the machines I am so familiar with. The pain I go through everyday... When I lost hope... Stopped caring... Oh, but BEFORE?! I cared... Before my mom announced that she was pregnant with my 5th brother, and 6th sibling, I was excited! ... Until I realized that I'd have another child to raise. Well, ******, atleast I'd have help this time. From the stepdad who doesn't seem to want to stay. And the brother who refuses to take his medication. Hard to believe, but BEFORE,... I cared. But that was before. Before everything. NOW? I'm done caring. Because now is now. Before was just... Before.
This reflects a period in my life filled with depression, tears, and a lot of pain. I actually wrote it on December 11th of 2014, but it still lives in my heart.