If I wasn’t  “here”?.... where is “here”?...
Is it the 14 hr days of work...The lonely bed where even though I call her my wife I sleep alone…….
I can’t say that “here” is exactly my destination...
I think that i would be missed... When the bills became too much... when the work became too much....
I dont think “here” realizes how much I wanna be “there”....
I can count everything good in my world on one hand...
But just like my good hand  only four digits work....
Like on the end of a phone number... Oh the numbers I know ... They dont answer anymore...
Now it’s not soo bad... She trades handjobs for beer... I can be the cause of every instance...
God never gives more than I can carry.... I’ve got the full cable package...
And of course I’ve got addiction...
I have the one friend that because of history.... I am already saying goodbye....
I keep mental notes of the good times... so I can later read them...
But in a mind full of bottles one always spills...
Now most notes are a smear of ink on soggy Post- its.....
But the empties saved are gonna make me a rich man...
I like to think on the return slip the receipt will read.....
10002 mistakes…. 2502 lies….. 14 broken hearts….. 5000 lonely nights and 1 complete **** up....
And at the end it will say total refund..... 17518 regrets...
But i can never return my **** up........ “Here”.........
“Here” I can be happy at 80 dollars a night...
“Here” I only hate everyone....”
“Here” is my life.....
“Here” is where everyone around me thinks I’m happy...
I think when I finally get a chance…. I will go “there”.....
And i will send postcards to everyone and it will read.....
” I think i get it now..... I wish you were HERE”....